I feel like I’ve been fighting a lot of fights recently.  I’m a little burned out.  I need to take a step back and take care of myself instead of taking care of things external to me.  I am tired of being a public figure.  (My stamina and will to be public is not very strong.)

To that end, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what self-care really means for me.  I’m not sure.  I haven’t ever been very good at taking care of myself.  I tend to distance myself from my own needs and focus on those of others.  It’s a survival mechanism, I guess.  The shrink thinks it’s because growing up I was always the one lone “adult” in a house full of emotionally underdeveloped people.  Maybe so, but I see it happen a lot in people I know who are very intelligent, get easily excited about ideas, and are very committed to their work.  They run themselves ragged taking care of other people and the issues other people bring to the table, and the only ones who lose out are the individuals themselves.

Even when I’ve started thinking about taking more time for myself, I’ve committed to more in March than I really know what to do with.  I guess April will be my month.  I’m going to go visit Buffalo 26-28 March and cement my decision (the big non-secret is, I’ve already confirmed my acceptance offer).  I don’t really know what else to do to take care of myself.  Maybe this is why I’m stalling on the third issue of the zine — I’m intimidated by the idea of telling other people how I take care of myself, because on reflection it really isn’t that much.

I get tired of getting angry and being well-spoken about it.

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