Or: A List of Demands from a Socialist Blogger.

I realize you probably think I’m a terrorist too, but hear me out for a second here.  There are a couple things I’ve heard in the debates that I take issue with, or want to bring your attention to, because I think it might benefit you should you be elected President of our great nation.

1. I think I’m ready for my public appointment. You’ve pointed out, especially in the first debate, but also tonight, that you have foreign policy expertise due to your travels overseas.  As an American citizen, born into a working-class family, who is half Chinese, and has spent a month and a half living in China, I want you to know that I’m exceptionally qualified to help you with foreign relations with the nation of China.  I’d like to bring your attention to my qualifications as China is a sensitive subject for a lot of Americans and I’m sure you’re thinking about who you can trust on the issues.

I don’t have my B.A. yet.  But don’t worry, by the time you’ve gotten me confirmed I probably will have it.  I don’t speak Mandarin yet.  But don’t worry, you can get by in China on English alone just fine.  Oh yeah, and my B.A. is in philosophy.

2. It seems to me the GOP supports racism and ignorance. Correct me if I’m wrong, Senator, but on prime time TV you just condoned the comments of racist, ignorant, hateful supporters of yours at your and Gov. Palins’ rallies.  Sure it’s fine to have a healthy distrust and disagreement with your opponent, but I have to believe your campaign manager has shown you videos of your supporters at your rallies calling for Sen. Obama’s untimely demise.  Whether or not Sen. Obama’s supporters wear t-shirts that smear you or not, it’s your responsibility as a Presidential candidate in the greatest nation on Earth to stand up to that kind of abject racism and hatred.

3. I’ve served this country all my life, too. I mean, as much as a 21-year-old college student can.  I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said in the debate tonight and I can fairly say I, too, have been serving the United States for the past three and a half years with honor and dignity.  I’ve been educating our young people.  I’ve been devoting my time to the betterment of others.  Where’s my Presidential nomination?

4. Sarah Palin doesn’t know as much as my mom about special education students. All I’m trying to say is, I think you picked the wrong running mate.  She’s making sure no children get left behind.  She has the best record of getting special ed kids into regular ed math classes in the state of Michigan.  She’s a single working mom too.  Did I mention she put me through college on her public schoolteacher’s paycheck?  Her dad was a Ford employee and a World War II combat veteran.  That’s street cred, Senator.

5. Another thing about education: the market can’t take care of it. Here’s why I’m skeptical of your economic policy, Senator.  I learned this in high school economics, and I can show you a textbook that will tell you how this works.  There are some goods for which there is infinite demand.  Education, for instance, is one of these goods.  Everyone demands good education, at least in primary and secondary schools, for their children.  From infinite demand comes a permanent inability to provide the resources people want.

What do we do about infinite demand?  Well, we can’t really change demand-side policies in this case.  How do you propose to dissuade people that education isn’t really that important when you just said on prime time TV that education is one of the most important things for this country?  The answer is: you take control.  The markets can’t provide infinite resources, and neither can the government.  But if the markets are in control, only the highest bidder gets resources.  Therefore, the government needs to take control and (oh, horror of horrors) redistribute resources to let more people have a fairer chance at their own futures.  Call that socialist, but that’s the only way you’re going to be able to reform the education system.

6. I know you were in a war and everything, and that’s cool, but so was my grandpa, and I wouldn’t really trust him to run a country. He was a crotchety, somewhat-senile old man.  I loved him a bunch, but I wouldn’t daresay he was qualified to make decisions for the most powerful country on Earth.  And hey, don’t smear my grandpa.  He was a staff sergeant in the Army medical corps in World War II and was injured fighting Nazis.  I’m just saying, at 72 my grandpa was no spring chicken, and I knew better than to trust him to make important decisions in my life — a life I knew he wouldn’t see the end of.

7. Senator, you’re still and old, rich, straight, white man. I’m glad you’re worried about somebody’s rights, but when it’s the “rights of the unborn” I kind of want to throw up in my mouth a little bit.  I’ve already been born, I pay taxes, I vote in every election, I’m an American citizen, and I’m really good looking, but you don’t seem concerned about my rights at all.  I’m glad a fetus is more important than me.

Love your friend,
Cayden

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