I got an email today about this.  The Channel 4 story is pretty insensitive, and that is mainly what the email was about, and there has been a bit of a fuss in the southeast Michigan trans community about it, but as the violent deaths of transpeople move ever-closer to my door I can’t help but wonder who’s next.  I know it’s totally morbid, and I know that I do live in a very safe place for someone of my identity, but it’s hard not to entertain notions of waking up one morning with death on your doorstep.  Ever since Ian died I have been thinking about that.  Sometimes the days are hard to handle.  They seem so heavy.  Maybe this is why I have gotten less outgoing lately.  Sometimes everything seems dangerous.

I guess I probably wouldn’t feel much differently if I were cisgender, since people die all the time.  But the rate at which transpeople kick the untimely bucket is pretty affecting, if you think about it.  Moreover it’s hard not to think about your own death when this is the second in about four months in your state.  And it’s hard not to worry about your own life when you know that people who are generally very informed and active in the social justice arena are rather ignorant and disinterested when it comes to your problems.  And it’s even harder not to worry when the news media sensationalizes the death of someone you share a very “deviant” identity with.

At the same time I don’t have the time or extra energy to be scared.  I think being scared puts you in just as much danger as being reckless.  Facing the world with cautious confidence seems like the only course of actions, and hard as it may seem I think I have to do it.

Advertisements