I always get self-conscious about getting quiet here, but I kind of see the past few days (or has it been a week? I am so bad at time) as the calm before the storm. I’ve been wrestling with feelings of disenfranchisement, marginalization and tokenization in a variety of different settings, and part of my general silence is trying to reconcile that with myself, trying to get a firm footing somewhere, with someone, about anything, really.  I’ve been spending a lot of time with myself.  My last post was about Ian, of course, but also conditions that I’ve been experiencing and observing lately.  Because of this, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my thoughts.

In case you are in the Ann Arbor area and hadn’t heard from me via various sources (sorry, sorry, I’ve been Facebooking and texting everyone like a fiend, I apologize), we’re having a counter-protest tonight at the School of Social Work.  They’re sponsoring a Transgender Awareness Week [pdf] event called Gender-Bender Day, the premise of which is that participants “bend gender” throughout the day and come to the debrief tonight at 6 pm.   I find it pretty patronizing and trivializing, myself, and so do about two dozen other people I have gotten into contact with.  The message it sends to me is that 1) anyone can do it, 2) the stereotypes of the transgender community as crossdressers are correct, and 3) my life is a circus.  So, in response to that, we’re going to the debrief (SSW 3816) with popcorn.  Is this event a circus?  Well, it very well might be.  So come on out, if you have the time.  I’d appreciate it, for sure.

This activism thing is sort of a renewal of my old ethic.  These days I kind of think I have slowly but surely transformed into the stodgy intellectual I’ve styled myself as.  I guess this is good – it feels more like “me.”  On the other hand, as Jen has pointed out to me, who else is going to do this work?  Who else is ready to put hir life out there and take the hits?

Good questions, which I am not prepared to answer now.  I am in no position to really take the hits — I don’t have the network of support for myself that I need to sustain this.  And, like I said, I’m sick of being tokenized.  Nobody wants to be the token T.  But maybe I have to be.  If I stand up, will others stand up with me?