Today I was sitting in Espresso Royale on South University with my partner in crime for a philosophy class project and I saw one of the friendly Ann Arbor homeless guys walk down the street.  Now, no surprise, I imagine panhandling on State Street is among the most profitable homeless guy activities in town, but this guy was better dressed than some of the brobags I see on campus every day.  This guy was dressed in nice-fitting black slacks, loafers, a white t-shirt, a gray hoodie with a cool design screen-printed on it, and a nice hat.  So many guys I see on campus whose parents pay their cell phone bills wear the same pair of sweats and old hoodie every day, cross-trainers, flip-flops or (god forbid) Crocs, don’t look like they’ve showered, and generally are fashion eyesores.

Honestly if one of Ann Arbor’s friendly local homeless guys can dress better than you, you need to shape up.  You have no excuses about “the way I dress is more comfortable” because my dress slacks and wingtips are just as comfortable as wearing pajama pants and sneakers (no lie).  You have no excuses about “effort,” because I get out the door about 15-20 minutes after I roll out of bed, looking like I put in effort.  That’s the trick.  At least look like you care, or get out of my town.  I am thinking of running for mayor on a fashion platform.  I’m gonna clean up this city.  Aren’t you tired of seeing these assholes?